I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
