Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
