Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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