i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
