Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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