i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You left your phone here
Wait...
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