I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
