I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
