bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
