i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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