Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
