I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
