I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
