I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
