wat bout pragnant strippers??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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