My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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