I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize