i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
