So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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