You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
