i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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