get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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