Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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