Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize