Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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