you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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