Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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