I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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