it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
