I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
