just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
