I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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