you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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