im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize