The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
