Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
