she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
