I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize