his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize