there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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