she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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