I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize