im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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