He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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