I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Are we still banned from the library?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
