you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
