Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
