ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize