Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
