dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
