i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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