my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
