I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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