I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
