she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
