I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize