I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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