I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
