its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
