I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
