Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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