remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
