And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
