Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
