just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
