I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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