I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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