my soul wont recognize me after tonight
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
