Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize