If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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