I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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