Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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