I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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