Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
