I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
