i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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