why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
