it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Damn victory sex feels great
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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