and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
