I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
