My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
