cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
