Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
my liver is dry heaving
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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