...so i touched it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
