did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
