I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
