I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
